Feeling Inadequate is awful
OVERWHELMED
During much of this process I felt overwhelmed and inadequate. For one reason, there was so much denial on my son's part; his wife of a few years left, unable to cope. He didn't want to acknowledge the disease, let alone the salient fact: the outlook was grim. There were times when I had to arrange meetings with physicians to explain metastatic disease; he disliked both me and the physician for forcing a discussion; a consistent pattern throughout the 6.5 years. Ultimately I came to acknowledge his denial, and realize it was keeping him alive, and living. But consistently, I felt there was more to do. It was one thing dealing with the day to day of it all, but quite another when I had to think for both of us, discuss option with his oncologist, search for help from social workers, colleagues, other physicians. His anger toward me was awful, brutal, when reality was discussed. Yet we always found our way back without apology. It was the trust between us, grown years ago thankfully, that would see us through to the end.
You will feel inadequate; your coping skills will be stretched and sometimes you'll want to give up, this is not viable, and you know it. I think this is something we feel as part of the grieving process; we all cope and care and love. Surrender to the love and let it guide you, find your voice and make noise. Have the conversations.
ANGER
My son commented on the reason for my slim build (after I'd been carrying the heavy oxygen tanks for 3 months), "it's all the anger, Mom. It's keeping you thin." Acknowledge the anger, at the very least, it's a distraction. It's a stage of the process, so don't deny yourself the benefits. To repeat myself (since you are reading this online and may not read anything else) we all feel inadequate. This journey is unique and one which I wish you were not on. So I say, find your voice and your strength will follow.
Find your voice to say you love, you want the best of care, you want all the help possible, you want to live each day not just pass through it.
YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE
Sometimes I wonder if certain "systems" are setup to make us feel inadequate. Some are set up to intimidate, others are just terrible, these contribute to our feelings of inadequacy across the board. Dig in and fight back. Not one company, association, agency out there, not one nurse or physician, or well-meaning neighbor should detract from your journey; it is yours to travel.
During much of this process I felt overwhelmed and inadequate. For one reason, there was so much denial on my son's part; his wife of a few years left, unable to cope. He didn't want to acknowledge the disease, let alone the salient fact: the outlook was grim. There were times when I had to arrange meetings with physicians to explain metastatic disease; he disliked both me and the physician for forcing a discussion; a consistent pattern throughout the 6.5 years. Ultimately I came to acknowledge his denial, and realize it was keeping him alive, and living. But consistently, I felt there was more to do. It was one thing dealing with the day to day of it all, but quite another when I had to think for both of us, discuss option with his oncologist, search for help from social workers, colleagues, other physicians. His anger toward me was awful, brutal, when reality was discussed. Yet we always found our way back without apology. It was the trust between us, grown years ago thankfully, that would see us through to the end.
You will feel inadequate; your coping skills will be stretched and sometimes you'll want to give up, this is not viable, and you know it. I think this is something we feel as part of the grieving process; we all cope and care and love. Surrender to the love and let it guide you, find your voice and make noise. Have the conversations.
ANGER
My son commented on the reason for my slim build (after I'd been carrying the heavy oxygen tanks for 3 months), "it's all the anger, Mom. It's keeping you thin." Acknowledge the anger, at the very least, it's a distraction. It's a stage of the process, so don't deny yourself the benefits. To repeat myself (since you are reading this online and may not read anything else) we all feel inadequate. This journey is unique and one which I wish you were not on. So I say, find your voice and your strength will follow.
Find your voice to say you love, you want the best of care, you want all the help possible, you want to live each day not just pass through it.
YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE
Sometimes I wonder if certain "systems" are setup to make us feel inadequate. Some are set up to intimidate, others are just terrible, these contribute to our feelings of inadequacy across the board. Dig in and fight back. Not one company, association, agency out there, not one nurse or physician, or well-meaning neighbor should detract from your journey; it is yours to travel.